It's always darkest before the dawn

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For most of my life I've been shrouded in negativity. It's become a comfortable place for me, the thought of anything positive in my life can be a scary thought. I wish that it wasn't this way, and I've been making real progress in a different direction. These things take time. It's one thing that I realize, but wish that it could happen quicker than it has. I've worked so hard over the last few years to really better myself, and I'm not there yet, but I know that one day, soon, I will be. Most of the things I write about tend to be more on the negative side, and I'm sorry to anyone reading this about that. I tend to find more motivation or inspiration when I'm feeling down, but I've been trying to harder to keep an eye on the more posi…

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Floating in the dark

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I set out today wanting to write something of real substance, but to be truthful, there's so many things going through my head that it will probably be more nonsensical than anything else. I don't even really know where to begin. I just feel strange, I guess. It's this strange mixture of a lot of different emotions, and I have been feeling myself just shutting down still. I don't want to shut down, though, that's the thing. I'm not sure what sprung all this on. A week or so ago I was feeling really good, maybe too good. Seems like whenever I feel good, I will crash equally as hard. So if I feel really good, I'll crash really hard. But that's not fair, is it? I know that life isn't fair by any sense of the word, but I don't know why it h…

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Everybody wants to be understood

It's been a bit since I've written anything, I was planning on this being a daily thing, but clearly I have trouble having the discipline to actually do that. Recently things have taken a turn for the worst with my moods. It's really driving me crazy. I hate it. I hate feeling so...shitty...all the time. I just want to go back to a week or two ago. Everything felt better, I was laughing more, I was smiling more, I was getting along with the people in my life better. Things just were easier. But, unfortunately, that's the thing about life. You can't go back. I'll have to ride this wave until it's done, and that sucks, but that's just life. Emotions are something that have always felt so foreign to me, which is strange because of the bipo…

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Hello, world.

I suppose I should introduce myself, and what this is aiming to be about. I go by 'anakin' or 'anak1n' on the internet, depending on who you talk to. I've always liked to write things, and keeping a blog helps me sort of keep everything in check mentally. It's not always the most helpful thing, as I sometimes just spew out a bunch of negative bullshit, and then end up feeling worse afterward, but most of the time it can be a therapeutic experience. The aim of this is to, I guess, chronicle my day-to-day life with my mental health. I can't say that it will always be pleasant to read, or that I'll follow some sort of structure. Truth be told, I don't really have a planned structure for the whole thing. I just plan to do what I've always don…

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